There are days when I hear your voice, but today I hear your soul.
~ Darlene Terry, author Daughter of Equus

Zoey's Portrait and Ashes

Recently, I received the following question from a special client named Robin: “I have heard that according to Feng Shui the ashes of deceased loved ones represent “dead” energy and that we should not have them in our homes. What is your opinion about keeping ashes in the house? I have never thought that it was negative energy because of my love for them. Could you tell me your thoughts?”

I was happy to respond to this important question. What follows below incorporates my response to her as well as additional information.

I have a deep respect for the practice of Feng Shui and understand that followers of this belief system may perceive or label ashes as “dead” energy and may have concerns about their placement. In my opinion, what is far more important than any one tradition, however ancient or revered, is what any of us know in our hearts to be true for us, as well as any agreements we may have made with our animals regarding their wishes for their remains. The choices regarding burial, burial site, cremation, where to place and whether to keep or scatter the ashes of our loved ones are sacred and private decisions. Traditions and belief systems about these issues can sometimes be interpreted quite rigidly, the rules of which do not always apply to every individual and situation.

Emma's Portrait and Ashes

What I suggested to Robin was that I believe that both her heart and home would have the most peace if she did whatever felt right to her in her heart regarding their ashes. When we follow someone else’s dogma or theory while we may still be questioning it, or when it just doesn’t feel right to us, this is likely to bring us far more unrest than any peace or “rightness” the tradition tells us we will have if we just follow its every tenet and guideline to the tee. Robin decided to keep the ashes of her beloved dogs Emma and Zoey in her home, next to their portraits on her fireplace mantel.

An alternative view of loved ones ashes from them being “dead” energy is that they are a representation of the loving, living, continuing energy of our beloved animal (or person). If we hold this belief, then having the ashes in our home can be like having a beam of light and love keeping us connected. Many of my clients have sent me pictures of beautiful altars they’ve created which include their animals’ ashes, pictures, candles and other sacred items. Their stories are not at all about feeling “dead” energy from ashes. On the contrary, they seem to serve as a living and loving tribute and memorial.

Kath Quinn's altar celebrates the lives of all of her dogs with photographs, ashes, a memorial and dog art

I don’t mean to imply that we should all keep our animal loved one’s ashes in our homes.. The point is that what we personally believe and tell ourselves about the energy of anything–such as ashes of loved ones– is far more powerful than what anyone outside of ourselves tells us. I do not in any way mean to discount the value of Feng Shui. I’ve had consultants in my own home to advise me and found it very useful. What I do mean to say is that our own perception about the energy of our beloved pets’ ashes and the meaning we assign to it will always far outweigh anyone else’s opinion, theory or tradition.

The other issue is this: what do our animals want? Asking them is ideal, and yet if we did not think to do this before their death, or did not know how, my experience has been that when our treatment and placement of their remains is done with love and respect, our animals are pleased. I have been asked by clients many hundreds of times to ask their animals after death how they feel about the urn chosen, the grave site chosen, the garden planted, or where the ashes were scattered. Interestingly, I have never heard any of these animals say they were unhappy with their persons’ choices. When my clients have asked their animals before death about their wishes and desires for their physical remains, quite often they talk about being very unattached to what happens to their body after they leave. One story does stand out, however, about a dog who was very specific about what she wanted.

Ashes of beloved labs of Deb Mag are made into a heart and their names on a beach where they spent many happy years running with joy ~

A dear client and colleague, Patti Kimler, had me ask her beloved dog Anni, a rescued Yorkie, who had recently died, what she might want at her grave site. Anni, who had weighed maybe five pounds when on earth said very emphatically, “I want that HUGE angel statue on my grave, that really, really HUGE one.” Patti and I talked while she was at a local nursery looking at statues. Anni kept insisting that she have the four foot tall angel statue. Because of a very high price tag Patti said she would need to get a smaller one. Anni pushed and pushed, demanding the larger one. Her adorable, chatterbox pushiness from her earth life was still alive and well in the spirit world, making both Patti and I laugh. Finally, Patti found a lovely small Yorkie statue and placed it on a pedestal at Annie’s grave site. In the end, Annie was quite pleased with this choice for her grave site. She actually told Patti that the whole episode of being so demanding–and charmingly so–at the nursery was to distract Patti from her then still raw and painful grief. According to Patti this distraction worked beautifully.

Gravesite and memorial garden of Sunshine, beloved dog of Carie Broecker, founder of peaceofminddogrescue.org

I have heard many animals say that what they like the most about their human’s choice about the grave site, urn, altar, placement of scattered ashes, etc. is that it seems to bring their people comfort, and how much this pleases them to see. Every animal I’ve spoken with on the other side has indicated that they very much want their person to find peace beyond the pain of their grief. The memorials we make for our animal loved ones create an energy of sacredness, grace and connection–be they gardens, grave markers, altars, portraits, jewelry, or sacred spots for ashes indoors or out. No one choice is the best choice, and no one can effectively dictate what our choice should be. Memorials of any kind can provide a focus for our grief and healing, an opportunity to continually honor our animals and our relationship, and can serve as a symbol of our continued spiritual connection which has no end.

May your own choices and memorials bring you all of this. May all of you who are grieving the loss of your animal loved ones be blessed with tender peace in your hearts.

*****

You are welcome to tell us about your own special memorials and stories in the Comments area below.

Left to right top: Cindy and Hunter releasing Sabrina’s ashes; Dana’s heart shaped garden to honor Shana Maidel. Top to right bottom:; Misty’s grave site in a pet cemetery; Sign honoring Misty‘ memorial garden; created by her human mom Judy; Dana’s cat Tiger Lily sitting in her dog sister’s memorial garden.

You are also invited you to share photos and stories on the Pet Loss and Animal Communication Facebook Page. Visit and click “Like” to be able to share text and images.

Look for an article coming soon about a very special cat named Nandi, whose ashes were scattered in Africa, near the African lions..

Resources for Memorializing Your Animal Loved One

Pet Prayer Flags

Pet Loss Memorial Candles Urns, Ash Memorials, Caskets, Grave Markers Pet Portraits, Memorial Jewelry and Memorial Tree Planting Darlene Terry Blog, author of Daughter of Equus